I got a chance to sit down with Mandakini and hear her story. I found it hard to take in. I’m going to let Georgia describe it in detail, pleae read her blog below…
One thing I felt after sitting down with her was enormous respect. She’s one of the strongest, most couragous women I have ever met - and I will never forget her.
India - a place like no other in the world. The people, the colours, the cows, the slums, the driving…
We were in the North East to meet with another of our grantees, a 24 year old woman called Mandakini. She lives in Cuttak, a 90 minute drive from Bhubaneswar. Marcus (the producer) and I went on ahead while Travis & the crew were filming in the 7th century Hindu temples that are all around the city.
And I feel that Marcus and I were the lucky ones, as while they were desperately trying not to melt outside the temples, we got to spend some serious time talking to Mandakini, without the cameras filming every nuance. For those 90 minutes, as Mandakini told me her story (through a translator), I was in total awe of how this petite (4ft 9inches) beautiful woman has managed to overcome hardship, trauma, discrimination and devastation to ultimately triumph. While I won’t do her story any justice at all, let me repeat it for you here, so that you too can understand what an incredible woman she is.
Mandakini was just 18 years old when she entered into an arranged marriage with a young man from her village. Unfortunately, what Mandakini didn’t know was that her husband was already living with HIV… which he knew, but had declined to tell his new wife.
They lived together as man & wife for 10 days. After that, he returned to Goa where his job was based. Mandakini didn’t see him again for one year. And when he returned, he was desperately ill. AIDS was ravaging his body and there was nothing anyone could do about it. He died 3 months after returning home.
But Mandakini’s troubles were only just starting. Her husband had admitted to her in those last 3 months that he was HIV+ before they got married. But upon his death, his family blamed Mandakini and tried to (at best) force her out of her marital home, but their venom and discrimination was so bad, that she believes they were encouraging her to kill herself. They told everyone in the village that Mandakini - who, by this time, had got tested and found out that she too was living with HIV - should be shunned, and so they shunned her. No one spoke to her, shared food with her, or even allowed her into their homes.
Despite the fact that her own family continued to support her, Mandakini was desperate; his family could have what they wished for: she would kill herself. But by chance, at one of the hospitals, Mr Biswali met with Mandakini, and it is here that her life turned around. He persuaded her that she not only had much to live for, but that she had so much to offer others in the world.
Fast forward 6 years, and Mandakini has now, with the help of Mr Biswali, set up UNP, which the Staying Alive Foundation supports. UNP was set up to help other people living with HIV, who are experiencing discrimination from the wider community. She helps them realise that they can still have fruitful, productive, and most importantly, NORMAL lives; and she works inside the community, educating those who are HIV-ve about the reality of HIV/AIDS, to help them realise that people living with HIV are “NORMAL”. Ultimately, stigmatising people living with HIV comes from people who know nothing about it… and that is Mandakini’s mission in life - to change the balance within her community so that those who are HIV-ve know everything they need to about HIV/AIDS; and that those who are HIV+ve are able to walk the streets, go to school, greet their friends and family, with their heads held high.
Now let me assure you, Mandakini’s story (unfortunately) is NOT unique. There are many women across India, and in many other countries in the world, who have experienced the same sort of discrimination that she has. But what Mandakini has to offer us all, is a happy ending. Not only is she so comfortable and confident with her HIV status, that she is happy to be open about it, not just within her community, but to the media as well, knowing that her story will impact others. But best of all, Mandakini is now happily married, in a ‘love-match’, to a man that she met at UNP. And Mandakini, just four months ago, gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby boy.
For those you not lucky enough to have met Mandakini personally, let me assure you that her beauty is not just on the outside. It shines out from her enormous brown eyes, it radiates through her smile, and her warmth seeps through her tiny hands as she holds yours. I am privileged, truly, to have spent that time with her.
